I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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