Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize