you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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