Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize