she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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