I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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