Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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