went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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