sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
