I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I think my vagina is haunted
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
