In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
