____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
