Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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