Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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