Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
