I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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