she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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