I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
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