I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
