Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
