Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We have started to decorate penises.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
This is classic penis vs brain.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
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