and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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