I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
