One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
