Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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