How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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