I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
