I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
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