so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
my shit smells like andre
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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