My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
