Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
sex in a hospital.. check
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
