guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
