worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
