So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
