when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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