i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize