Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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