I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
