My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
