just tell him i said nine months
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
