You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
