He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Four minutes until I can fart!
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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