Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
