Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
