I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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