He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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