I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
