the new term for farting is butt boxing.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
