So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
