I hate your face
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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