There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
