Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize