We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
