I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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