oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Houston, we have a squirter
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
