I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
