If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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