guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
