it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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