my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
