Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I didn't notice because vodka
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
