Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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