Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
