I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
