maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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