She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
