Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
