Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
