Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
