we have pet lesbian snakes
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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