census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
