The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
