The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
