I am puke
True but thats because hes a fetus.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize