i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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