btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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