In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
