I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
