I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
