i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize