Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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